just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
