Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
