I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
you had me at cake vodka
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
