i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
