The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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