The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
