Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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