You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
