This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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