So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My liver just had a heart attack.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
