Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
