Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
two words...techno handjob
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
