Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
