Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
