i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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