I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
