I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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