Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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