Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
