Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
