Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Ketchup is God's man juice
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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