I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
