I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
