This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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