HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize