How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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