I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
