I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
