I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
