Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
