Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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