I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
