i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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