God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
