my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize