the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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