Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
