Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize