I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
