i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
