i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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