The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
