Porn is love you can see.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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