Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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