Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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