Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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