The maid of honor just puked.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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