Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
