We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
