He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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