he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
