North Korea, Best Korea!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
