Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
