Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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