I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
