im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
