Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
