Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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