Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
