I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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