I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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