I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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