Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize