all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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