just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
