My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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