If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
