I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
