hotel room ftw
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
