life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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