I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
