I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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