I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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